Kindergarten and first grade were really good for getting you and your child acclimated to the playground. That is a big step, so pat yourself on the back. You aren't home free, but you are at least on second base. Understanding the social structure of school isn't hard - we all remember how it was. The good part is that elementary school is still pretty loose. Kids will pick their favorite friends but they are usually still open to doing things with all children. Still you are worried - your baby is playing on teams, you keep finding weird things in his or her pockets and there is evidence that you may, in fact, have raised a whiner. Let's talk about second grade society.

Whether your child learns at private school, public school or home; here are some characteristics of your second grader's social development:

• Increasing independence is characteristic of all ages, but you will see a jump here.

• Your child will want to do things by and for him or herself, but still needs adults who will help when asked or when needed.

• Your child can see things from another child's point of view, but still has trouble understanding the feelings and needs of other people.

• Many times your child might need help to express his or her feelings in appropriate ways when upset or worried.

• A second grader can carry criticism too long.

Second graders are still likely to be friends with the same sex and those friends:

• Provide fun and excitement through play.

• Facilitate learning by watching and talking to one another.

• Assist in time of trouble by banning together.

• Give support in time of stress.

• Help your child understand how he or she feels about him or her self.

Enough generalizations, let's get down to some serious personality and activity issues.

Have you ever sent your child to school wearing shorts in February because it was the easiest thing to do? Does your eight-year-old's behavior rule from the dinner table to what will be watched on TV? Step away from the child. Take a look at him or her. Listen, really listen. Admit to yourself that you serve macaroni six days a week because your child will ruin the meal if you don't (and yeah, I know you go through a drive thru on the seventh day, it's okay).

Popular convention says that a picky eater is seeking attention. The child is controlling the dinner hour, requesting specific sack lunches and refuses to eat cafeteria food. Picky eaters are so misunderstood. Is it a power play? Perhaps, but only after power is exerted upon the eater - to make him or her eat what he or she does not want. This may seem radical, but perhaps this control issue only arises after what the child sees as instigation.

Does picky eating occur because of your child's desire to control mealtime? Maybe, but that will go away. We are talking about chronic, spit it out or throw it up, I can't eat that to save my life, picky eating. Will your child put him or herself through that as part of some psycho-child head trip on you?

Let's think about this, though: nutrition is a pretty hard concept to grasp for grown ups, let alone an eight-year-old. So the likelihood of your little one hatching a master plan to eat the same thing over and over just to make you mad isn't high. Yes, he or she may do it a few times to see your funny reaction, but that gets old, too. All your child really knows is that he or she is supposed to eat or not eat or drink or not drink something because it is good or bad for him or her. And for sure, the stuff that is bad tastes good - but then everyone says mmm... isn't that so good about stuff like salad that he or she definitely thinks is bad. It is easy enough to know what people tell you are good and bad for you and that you will feel better if you eat this than that - but even adults have a hard time identifying how they feel when they don't eat well. When it comes to eating as adults most of us go by instinct mixed with learned behaviors and few of us choke down something we don't like.

Now, do you think your child has heard you say that you don't like to eat something? (Certainly not when you are cooking, huh?) So who made you the boss of what everyone likes? Your child hears you say that you like or don't like certain foods; and guess what? Your child also likes and dislikes certain foods. Can you hear your child saying "why can you say no if you don't like it but I can't?" and the power struggle ensues when the only issue was over what tasted good.

Now you have a choice: do you enter into a power play with an eight year old or do you outwit him or her? The more successful choice is to outwit:

• Step 1: Hold your breath, count to ten and ignore.

• Step 2: Offer your child choices regarding mealtime instead of just regarding the food - what plates to use, what drinks to have, the conservation and so on.

• Step 3: Include one thing you know your child likes at each meal, including sack lunches.

The truth is that if your child has truly sensitive taste buds this problem is not going away anytime soon. Help your child learn how to pick out new things that are similar to what he or she already likes. As the years go by, talk to him or her about the embarrassment of sitting at a fancy dinner and not eating a thing because it the food looks funny. If he or she doesn't learn to expand his or her palette, you child will at least get some coping mechanisms that allow him or her to eat in a wide variety of settings.

There's a recessive gene present in all children and is most certainly inherited from your mate: the whining gene. The little darlings know how to manipulate behavior with speech. I can hear you saying really, mmm... how insightful... The hows, whys and what to dos about it are the real question here. Dealing with a whiner is a slippery slope. Dealing with it effectively will make your child much more likeable to you and others. Dealing with it ineffectively will make it worse. Oh, you already found that out? Mmmm... this is a tough one. Let's get to work.

Children whine to annoy adults, right? Wrong. Children whine to manipulate behavior and/or to be heard. The keys to ending this lie in figuring out why your child is whining and then choosing a method to deal with it that fits both of your personalities. Try one or a combination of these:

For Mini Manipulators:

• No Habla Whining. Act as if your child is speaking a foreign language anytime he or she whines. "What did you say? I am so sorry, I don't understand whining."

• Benevolent Dictatorship. Your household is not a democracy. You are the boss, so be the boss. Let your 'no' mean no and your 'yes' mean yes. Giving in to whining just perpetuates the habit.

• Good for the Goose. If your child whines, whine right back. Do not cross the line of mocking your child or being mean. This is a playful approach and you will know if this method is appropriate for you and your child. For some children, whining is a way of saying "Hear Me, please Hear Me!"

• The Well-Reasoned Child. Calmly, but firmly explain to your child why whining is not appropriate (it's annoying, manipulative, repulsive, and so on?). Help your child identify times when he or she is whining by pointing it out in a consistent and firm manner.

• Look and Listen before you leap. Is your child whining because you aren't really listening to what he or she really has to say? Is it the only way your child can get your attention? Try fixing that before getting too angry with your child.

• Oh, drama!! Is your child always dying to be heard? Have you ever seen one child emote so much? Is "Look at me, Mom!" heard second only to "Listen to me, Dad!" in your house? You have a drama king or queen and whining is his or her latest trick. Ignore the whining and talk to your child about how no one likes excessive drama about things in daily life.

• It's just the way I talk. Some people like being the "baby" and speak in a high pitched and whiny voice. It can become a habit. Watch out for it and nip it in the bud. Address any other underlying issues and give your child loving reinforcement for appropriate behaviors.

So, addressing whining really is a slippery slope, huh? Experts say parents must exercise caution when their children resort to whining. If you mock or ignore them, this might enrage them. On the other hand, providing positive reinforcement by "caving" to their requests will only encourage them to whine more. You really have to read your child to figure out how to solve this one. Good luck - and thank you, in advance, on behalf of every person that may be subjected to your whiner. Thank you.

Team sports begin to take on a life of their own by second grade. Soccer, soccer soccer. Basketball, baseball and softball, oh my! How are you going to work this into your and your child's schedule? Do you really have to go to every game where the talking lady who saves you a seat at every game will always be sitting right by you? Yes, you do.

As a former coach, I have some things to say in favor of team sports. Being a part of a team, teaches your child to:

• Value giving his or her best effort

• Interact with groups

• Follow the rules of the game

• Be a good winner and a good loser

• Know that he or she can count on others to their jobs

• Know that others depend on him or her to do his or her job

• Practice, practice, practice

• Be disciplined

• Respect what his or her body can physically accomplish

It is true that you need to be cautious about over scheduling events in your child's life. It is also true that your child should be given the opportunity to try lots of different things to find what he or she is truly interested in continuing. Even if your child finds that music, dance or some other activity best suits him or her, there is great value to at one point to excessively encourage your child to play team sports. Particularly at this age - it is a great time in your child's developmental stage to introduce the concepts associated with being on a team.

Kids whose parents actively encourage their physical pursuits - by driving them to soccer practice, say, and cheering them on - are much more likely to stick with these activities than kids whose parents show little enthusiasm.

The main focus at this age is making fitness fun and developing skills, not producing future Olympians or beating the other team. You don't want to pressure your child to perform or force him or her to do a sport he or she doesn't like. Both strategies almost always backfire, and you risk turning your child away from physical activity altogether. Whether your child chooses an organized sport, which can teach leadership and teamwork skills along with improving overall fitness and motor skills, or a solo pursuit, which can also foster self-sufficiency, focus on having fun and developing skills.

Let's talk about some other important parts of team sports such as losing and winning.

How does your child handle losing? Is it a direct reflection of how you handle losing? Realizing loss with grace and dignity begins now and is one of the most valuable lessons your child may gain from competition. The first thing to do is check yourself and make sure you are modeling the behavior you want your child to emulate. If you aren't, then start now.

Here are some ways you can help your child learn to lose well:

• Play on your child's sense of empathy. At this age, he or she is starting to develop the ability to put himself or herself in another person's place. He can now begin to understand that getting angry when he doesn't win hurts the feelings of the people that he is playing with. Ask your child to think about how it would feel if someone got angry at him when he or she did something he was proud of. Tell your child that it's okay to be sad about losing, but he should try not to hurt others because of it.

• Mix in cooperative games. Noncompetitive games eliminate winning and losing altogether and help your child learn what it's like to play on a team. Try playing a game of Chinese checkers in which the idea is to get your marbles on her side and hers on your side at roughly the same time.

• Emphasize effort, skill, and fun. It's trite but true: "It's not whether you win or lose but how you play the game." Your job is to get your child to take this adage to heart. After he plays a game with a friend, ask, "Did you have a good time?" instead of "Who won?" Offer praise for anything done well, no matter how small it may seem. The more you can get your child thinking about developing the skills needed to be a good player ó regardless of the outcome ó the less important winning becomes.

How does your child handle winning? Is it a direct reflection of how you handle winning? Winning with grace and dignity begins now and may be more important than losing with grace and dignity. Gloating, bragging and making fun of others is not appealing on any level and it is never too early to instill this in your child. The following are several ways to help your child be a good winner:

• Give your child opportunities to lose as she plays against you. It seems harsh, but don't always let your child win. Your child won't improve at a sport if she isn't sufficiently challenged.

• Most important, don't let your child see you being a poor sport. Take your losses well, and always congratulate the winner.

• Show your child what it means to be a good winner as well. Good winners don't brag about victories or make fun of another player's skills.

We all want our children to succeed, but not if it means cheating. To quash the rule breaker in your child, try these tips:

• Use the empathy! Explain to your child that when he does not follow the rules, the other players feel bad. Remind him that if everyone cheated, playing would be no fun at all.

• Cheaters never win. Make it clear that cheating cancels out winning. If your child changes the way the dice roll when you are playing with her, for example, explain that this may be effective for getting the most points, but she isn't winning because she isn't following the rules. Taking away the reward for cheating takes away the desire to cheat.

• Emphasize that the fun lies in the playing, not in the winning. We've all heard this before, but that's because it's true. The easiest way to drive this point home is to teach by example: If you lose, don't lament the fact that you lost; instead, say what a great time you had playing. And during a game, don't say things like "I hope I win" or "Oh, no, I'm behind." Instead of thinking about the outcome, stay focused on what you and your child are doing in the present. Phrases like "That was a smart move" or "What a lucky roll!" help keep children engaged in the fun of the moment.

• Find ways to help your child feel competent in other areas of his life. Praise his ability to ride a bike, for instance, or admire his growing skill with drawing. The more confident your child is in general, the less he or she will feel the need to win (and cheat, if necessary) to build self-esteem.

• If you do catch your child cheating, don't overreact, and don't call him or her a cheater. Calmly let your child know that what he or she is doing isn't fair and that he or she must follow the rules of the game. You want your child to develop a conscience, not think he or she is a bad person.

Eight year olds have figured out that money has a value and buys the things they want. They get money for doing chores, lost teeth, and birthdays and if you are late on any payments the gifted eight - year old will calculate the interest. If your child has his or her own money then it usually doesn't matter if you like what he or she wants to buy - it is his or her money. Your child likes that.

Counting money is a pretty big topic in math during the first and second grades. Economic concepts - such as unlimited wants and limited resources - have been introduced in social studies and your child experiences these concepts every time he or she goes to the store with you. Your child has probably started participating in fundraising activities at school. Money is one concept that kids take from knowledge straight through to synthesis without a second thought.

Your child's familiarity with money - related concepts isn't the worst thing in the world. This is a time for you to start a savings account in your child's name, unless you already have. Maintain the bank book together. Set savings goals such as saving for college but also a new bike perhaps. Your child will be on the right financial path.

Money can be a really good incentive for children, even at this age, except for grades. It is bad form to pay your child a certain amount for each "A" and "B". Try using money to motivate your child to do the things that people really get paid for - like chores, lawn work, babysitting and cooking - not for learning or for doing things that your child should have the strength of character to do anyway.

James, Amy (2005), Second Grade Success: everything you need to know to help your child learn, Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, CA