Your third grader lives in a microcosm of your world - there are no bills to pay, but there are definitely social considerations that are taking on a life of their own. In this chapter, we'll take a look at the third grade social scene and how it may be affecting your child's school experience.
Birthday Parties
Birthday parties are a big occasion for third graders. BIG. It is very exciting to receive mail or a note - and even better if it's an invitation. An upcoming birthday party is the talk is the talk of the playground. It is exciting for the birthday boy or girl, because he or she is the center of attention, and it feels good knowing people want to go to the party. It is exciting for those who were invited, because birthday parties are so much fun. But it can be excruciating for those who were not invited. Even if your child is always invited to every party given by his or her friends, you should make sure that he or she understands that other children may not be invited and it may hurt their feelings if your child talks about the party in front of them.
If the kids your child considers to be his or her friends exclude him or her from a party, this is going to be hard for you and your child. Maybe the other child's parents limited the number of children that could be invited. Maybe your child accidentally did something to hurt his or her friend's feelings. Maybe the child isn't as good of a friend as your child perceives him or her to be. No matter what the case is, your child is probably feeling hurt and you are the best person to help him or her right now. Try planning something that you and your child can do together during the time of the party. Your child feels like he or she is not special when something like this happens, so try to lift his or her spirits by make him or her feel special yourself.
If you're the one giving the party, the general etiquette is to only send invitations to school if the entire class is invited. Otherwise, invitations should be distributed outside the school. This will not stop the chatter on the playground, but at least those who were not invited will not have their noses rubbed in it, as invitations are given to a select few.
It is important that your child be gracious about all of the gifts that he or she receives. Sit down with him or her and write a thank you note that he or she can use as a guide for writing the others. Help him or her find something nice to say about each gift - even if he or she liked some better than others.
Catch Me If You Can
Developmentally, third graders are mostly playing with friends of the same sex (see Chapter 2). However, third graders are starting to develop an interest in members of the opposite sex. It is not as strong as a crush, but more of an odd (very odd) curiosity. This can get interesting on the playground. Sometimes there will be brief conversations between interested parties, but that approach is uncommonly sophisticated at this age. Instead, to show interest, they chase each other, tease each other, and generally try to annoy one another. The bigger the reaction, the better for the chaser/teaser/annoyer. Most of the time it is innocent fun, however, sometimes it can get out of hand, especially if the interest is in the form of teasing a more sensitive third grader. If your third grader is experiencing some of this behavior, talk to him or her about it. Sometimes a simple explanation that the person likes your child and does not know how to show it will be sufficient. If, however, your child is upset by the behavior, and talking about it does not help, you may need to talk to the teacher about it. If your child is the one who is chasing or teasing, you may suggest other ways to act-such as talking to the person, asking the person to play, and so on.
Bullies
A major issue in most schools is dealing with bullies. Unfortunately, bullying starts as early as kindergarten. In third grade, bullying can take the form of name-calling, exclusion, teasing, and less frequently, physical intimidation. Schools are acutely aware of the problem of bullying, and many have programs in place to prevent this.
Bullies behave in inappropriate ways because they can get away with it, and they do not have the skills to interact appropriately. Bullies are a sad bunch. They boast, brag, and display false confidence - but they often feel inadequate inside, and they use inappropriate means to get power and attention. Bullies often get other kids to join in the bullying. It is shocking to see some of the nicest kids joining with the bully. Often, however, those joining the bully in his or her activities are just glad the bully is concentrating on someone else.
If your child is being bullied, it can be difficult to know how to best help your child. Sometimes, ignoring the bully will stop the behavior. Bullies love the reaction, and if there is no reaction, some bullies will get bored and will move on. Sometimes, standing up to a bully will stop the behavior. Bullies rely on intimidation. If their target is not intimidated, some bullies will go on to the next victim. Sometimes standing up to a bully will not work. In that case, you may need to talk to the teacher.
Bullies pick their targets carefully. They pick those who they perceive will be easy to tease, pick on, or intimidate. This is absolutely not to blame the victim, but if your child is being bullied, the bullies perceive some weakness. You may want to consider getting your child involved in some activity that will boost his or her self-confidence. Tae Kwon Do or some sport can be a confidence-booster to your child. The purpose of these physical activities is not to turn your child into a fighter; rather, it is to build your child's confidence. Bullies will perceive your child as confident and will probably leave him or her alone.
If your child is the one being a bully, you need to take action. For some reason, your child thinks that he or she must tease, pick on, or intimidate people. Ask yourself some tough questions. Is your child doing this to get attention that he or she feels is lacking at home? Are you a bully? Remember that you must, absolutely must, act the way in front or your child that is the way you want him or her to act.
If your child's behavior is truly a mystery, then get your child involved in some activities to build his or her confidence and to encourage teamwork. Team sports would be a great outlet. You can also work closely with the school. Talk to your child's teacher about your concerns. Ask the teacher what behaviors your child exhibits at school. Teachers are concerned with bullying and would be very happy to work with you to help change your child's behavior. Work with your child's teacher to make a list of one to five of the most troubling behaviors. Have the teacher make a check list and mark whether or not your child exhibited these behaviors daily. Every day, you will receive this sheet, sign it, and have your child take the sheet back to the teacher.
Have some rewards for your child if he or she has a good day or a good week. The rewards do not have to be expensive, material rewards. Your child would love to have some of your undivided attention. So, one reward may be to spend a half hour together playing a game or going to the park. By giving your child your undivided attention, you are sending a message to your child that he or she is important, and that will make your child's spirits soar.
That's not fair!
That's not fair! Ah, the plaintive cry of third graders everywhere. You probably hear it at home. Teachers hear it at school. Third graders have a strong sense of justice, and they will rail against the perceived injustice they see everywhere.
Third graders are acutely aware of what is going on with other people, especially fellow classmates and siblings. If they feel their classmates or siblings have received some sort of favor that they have not received, they will cry foul. One concept third graders have difficulty with is that fair does not necessarily mean the same thing for one person or one situation than it does for another. A high-school-age sibling probably has a different bedtime than a third grader. A biting two-year-old would be punished differently from a biting third grader. A child with learning disabilities may have a shorter assignment than the other third graders. There are many different examples of how being treated fairly does not mean being treated the same as everyone else. Usually, just talking to your third grader will make the situation seem a little less unfair.
Extracurricular Activities
There are numerous opportunities for third graders to be involved in all kinds of classes and sports outside of school. Parents want their children have all the opportunities they did not have as children. This can lead to overscheduling.
There are reasons children need unscheduled free time. Your child needs time to play with his or her friends. Unstructured play with friends teaches social skills, such as cooperation, compromise, taking turns, leadership, and how to resolve differences peacefully (and on one's own). Unscheduled free time allows your child to use his or her imagination, to be creative, and to explore things he or she wants to explore. A child whose time is scheduled down to the minute misses out on many positives that come from unscheduled free time.
That being said, sports and classes can be invaluable to your child. Playing sports gives your child the opportunity to learn specialized skills, while learning teamwork, cooperation, and how to win and lose gracefully. Sports get your child out and exercising, which is very important. Classes can give your child the opportunity to learn something new.
Your child is growing up fast. Third grade is a special year for your child. Friendships become more important, and the bond between best friends deepen. Your child will want to extend those friendships outside the school. Your child will benefit from well-chosen extracurricular activities balanced with unscheduled free time to play and explore. While outside relationships are becoming more important to your child, you are still the most important person in your child's life. Your child wants to spend time with you. Spending some uninterrupted free time with your child will make him or her feel very loved and important.
Source
 |
