Fourth grade is the beginning of the end of childhood. Your child will hit a double digit age, making him or her think that he or she is getting closer to being a teenager than is really the case. You can't convince him or her of that though, until it comes time for homework. When homework is assigned, get ready to hear about how young he or she is - certainly way too young for homework... according to your child, that is.

Your child will be 10 this year and the next 6 years - the critical ones between wanting independence and achieving it behind the wheel of your not-yet- paid-for car can be frustratingly great. Your child is developing into a teenager and facets of that personality are developing. Go with it - but only after preparing for it. This chapter should help make the road a little smoother.

Fourth graders are a unique mixture of childlike innocence and blossoming maturity. You are officially in the "tween" years - teetering between childhood and early adolescence - and it confuses everyone. One minute you are buying Barbie dolls for your daughter, the next minute you are trying to stop her from wearing colored lip gloss. Your child's most common response to anything you ever suggest is "I'm too oooold for that!" and all you can think is "huh? When did you get to old for anything?".

Tweens today, may play like children at home, but can instantly transform themselves into sophisticated adults for a trip to the mall. They have out grown the bright primary colors and the cartoon motifs you so lovingly decorated their rooms in, and only play with dolls or race cars behind closed doors. These young people have their own ideas and desires. They aren't little kids and they aren't teenagers.† They are "tweens" - kids who still need special interactions with their parents, sometimes more than they are willing to admit.

Finding the right kind of adult interaction can be difficult. Kids this age are eager for new adventures and to make their own decisions. Parents of tweens need to strengthen the bonds with their children and let them know that they are available for them. It is important to find the right kinds of activities for you and your child that will stimulate positive relationships and healthy growth. It is equally important that the positive relationship between you and your child foster healthy expression of the independent thoughts your child is having. Your child doesn't have to be just like you for you to enjoy them, so welcome their unique expression of your similarities. Genetics won't let them be too different for too long - you will both end up liking similar lifestyles so let him or her choose the crispy chicken over the grilled - you are both still having chicken.

Applying the "chicken" theory to real life - cut to the mall: your child wants to "hook up" with his or her people, you have reservations... This won't be nearly the issue it can be if you get into the habit of taking your child to the mall every couple of weeks. Get into a routine of hanging out together, then separating for a defined period of time (that your child can use to walk around with his or her friends) before meeting at a designated spot to walk around together some more. You are still doing the same thing - walking around the mall - just in a way that is a bit different from the other. You can apply this method to many activities that your child would like to begin doing alone, but that you feel that he or she is just a little too young for. Movies are a great example. Get tickets for yourself to a movie you want to see at a multi-plex so that your child can go with his or her friends to see a different movie. You are all in the same theater so you can control certain aspects of the event while giving your child the freedom to be with his or her friends.

Tweens are a tough bunch. Most are more comfortable with a gentle, affectionate push on the arm than a hug, unless of course they are at home - where they feel more like a kid than anywhere else. Take your cues from your child - if you watch what they do, you will figure out when to baby him or her and when to let go.

As children seesaw back and forth between childhood and adolescence, you need to be flexible enough to recognize the flow and respond accordingly. You ask yourself: "Is he or she ready for this? Am I ready for this?". Each time you loosen the reins and let your child take a new step, it is natural to experience your own doubts and ambivalence until the new situation is mastered and/or the new rules are established. Your job as parents requires you to maintain both a healthy apprehension for our children's safety and well being, while encouraging them to develop new skills and autonomy. It's a tough balance, but I am certain you are up to it.

Late elementary school can spring forth your child's first real encounter with jealousy in the outside world - and it is different than that associated with being jealous of a brother or sister. With a brother or sister, there is a permanence to the relationship that is a boundary to how far out of hand the jealousy gets. At the end of the day brothers and sisters are brothers and sisters and that alone can be a stop-gap between minor and out of hand jealousy.

Situations where your child may feel jealous or may experience another's jealousy of him or her are:

Academic or physical performance: Sometimes friends can be a little competitive with each other, whether it is in the classroom or on the playground. Sometimes friends can feel a little jealous if one outperforms the other. If your child is feeling jealous toward a friend, it may help to reassure your child that friends balance each other. Each person has strengths and weaknesses, and your child can do things the other cannot, and vice versa. On the other hand, if your child's friend is acting in a jealous way toward your child, you can help your child deal with it by reassuring the friend and pointing out his or her strengths.

Third wheel: Sometimes jealousy can result from a third person. Because of the growing importance of friendship, some fourth graders will feel threatened by a friend's other friendships. If your child is feeling jealous about a friend's other friendships, empathize, but help your child put it in perspective. Another friendship does not diminish the importance of your child's friendship, and making a friend choose is not fair. Your child cares about many people. Ask your child to imagine one of those people demanding that your child stop caring about all the other people and only care about him or her. It would not be fair, because all those people are important to your child. The same can be said for his or her friend. If your child's friend is acting with jealousy concerning your child's other friendships, help your child to handle that. Remind your child that a jealous friend wants to know he/she is important. See if the jealous friend will agree that everyone can be friends. Generally, a fourth grader would be happy with that. Occasionally, a jealous friend may make an ultimatum. It can be agonizing to a fourth grader to feel like a choice between friends must be made. Help your child understand that the jealous friend is being unfair, and help your child to resist breaking a friendship to appease a jealous friend.

Are you flabbergasted about the amount of homework at such as early age? Don't be. There are several reasons why your child should have homework throughout their fourth grade year.

Homework is given to:

1) review information;

2) practice old skills;

3) practice new skills;

4) complete unfinished class work;

5) study for tests; and

6) complete long term projects such as reports.

Homework promotes good study habits and organizational skills. You child should gradually become accustomed to planning and scheduling their time so all needs, wants and obligations are satisfied. This is where it starts. Fourth grade homework isn't really that tough or great in quantity as it is a shock to the system. Homework reinforces academic outcomes, key skills and concepts taught in the classroom and gives you an opportunity to participate in your child's learning.

Stressing out about deadlines in fourth grade is just wrong. Don't let your child do that to him or herself - and don't do it to him or her. That said, homework is expected to be done when it is assigned. Most assignments will be completed in one evening and turned in the next day. Some homework projects, such as reports, take several days to complete. For long term assignments, due dates will always be provided by the teacher so children will know exactly when the assignment is due and how long they have to complete the work.

Your job is to avoid stress by helping your child effectively manage his or her time. Like all of us, time management is the key to getting things done without freaking out. Talk to your child about how long it usually takes him or her to complete homework assignments and where he or she can easily find the time to do that. Math has more homework than any other class - particularly through middle and high school. So apply a little math to getting it done. If it usually takes thirty minutes to complete 10 math questions at home, then it takes about 3 minutes per question - and that can be found throughout the school day. Let's say your child is great at science and usually finishes science investigations 5 - 10 minutes before class time ends - that is 1 to 3 math questions that can be knocked out before the end of school. You get the idea - if you take it in small segments, the end result is less homework to be done at home and more time to double check work and discuss it with your child. Here are some more helpful suggestions:

• Use car time to quiz your children on homework.
• Create a comfortable homework spot.
• Have a set daily routine for homework.

If your child is already saying this, then you have a long row to hoe. By the second month of school you should see a homework pattern emerge - a little something every night, spelling lists every Monday, etc. Look for the pattern and keep track of it. To keep calm and stay organized during the school year, here are three strategies:

• Check your child's backpack each evening for school notices and notes from the teacher. Before you child goes to bed each evening, their backpacks must be packed.

• Work with your child until he or she is uses a day planner effectively. Go over the things your child wrote in the planner every day or every other day with him or her - it gives you the opportunity

• Keep a separate calendar for school events, homework deadlines, and other important dates.

This one is so easy to believe - and everyone wants to believe it... but you need, I mean really really really need to ask your child to show you his or her homework.

OK, you knew it was coming, and here it is - your child wants your help and if you don't do it right it will come back home with those big red pen marks. Under the theory that a best defense is a good offense, here are some tips:

• Ask them if they understand their homework. If they do not, work on a few examples together.

• Ask to see their homework after the teacher returns it, to learn where they're having trouble and where they're doing well.

• Don't be afraid to get in touch with the teacher if you and your child don't understand an assignment or if your child is having a great deal of trouble.

• Don't do your children's homework for them. Help them learn how to do it themselves.

• Praise your child for doing well. Maintain a portfolio of "best pieces."

• Try playing music during homework time instead of letting your child leave the TV on when working.

Homework doesn't have to be the worst thing in the world. It is a part of growing up and it doesn't have to be a burden. Your visions of a nightly battle can fade - set a routine, check the backpack, work on time management and homework will be a breeze.

Let's be honest here... have you truly had control of your household since your child was born? And I bet you thought that you would begin to regain control as your child got older? (yeah, I'm laughing). Surprised to find out that the control your child exerts over your life is far more sophisticated than they are? Yeah, the ability to manipulate a situation matures about 10 years ahead of your child's physical growth. And yeah, unless your child is a young Rico Suavee' it only works at home, and with you...

Fourth graders want to feel empowered. One way they feel power is by having the opportunity to make choices. By giving your child the power to choose, you can more easily elicit cooperation from your child. For example, instead of telling your child to clean his/her room, you may want to frame the request as a choice. "I need you to clean your room today. I don't care if you do it now or later, but the television will stay off and there will be no other activities until it is done." You have told your child that the room must be cleaned before he/she can do other activities, but you have given your child the choice of when it is done. Giving your child the power to choose will result in more cooperation. There will be no punishment for not doing it, but your child will have to deal with the consequences of the choice he/she made. Stick to your guns. When a friend asks your child to play, explain to your child that he/she can play after the room is cleaned. When someone calls your child on the phone, tell your child he/she is free to talk after the room is clean. Your child may take a while to clean his/her room, but eventually there will be something he/she wants to do, and there will be an increased motivation for getting the room cleaned. The next time you request that your child clean his/her room before doing any other activities, your child will probably clean the room a little faster.

Sometimes you may ask your child to do something that needs to be done right away. Frame that request as a choice, too. This time you may say, "I need you to set the table." If your child grumbles you can calmly say, "You can choose to set the table and be able to play a video game after dinner, or you can choose not to set the table and have the video game turned off the rest of the night." The point is that your child can choose compliance with privileges or choose to not comply and lose privileges.

Allow your child to choose when it is appropriate, but do not feel that everything must be a choice. There are issues in which the choice is already made, and there is no compromising. For example, attending school, wearing a seatbelt, and getting immunized against disease are not choices your child has the power to make. You have made the decision that your child must be educated and safe, so there is no compromise with those issues.

While allowing your child to choose empowers him/her, having too many choices can be overwhelming. If your child is overwhelmed with too many choices, limit them. As your child gets older, he/she will have more and more choices to make. By giving your child choices, not only are you empowering him/her, you are also helping your child develop the skill of making good decisions.

Fourth grade is 'tween. 'Tween childhood and adolescence. 'Tween knowing concepts and mastering them; 'tween wanting freedom and being old enough to handle it. Your child may feel like he or she is stuck in neutral, revving his or her motor. The challenge is helping your child feel assured that progress is being made and this is a time in life to be cherished. Your child is old enough to interact with the world and young enough to not take it too seriously. Let your child exercise some muscle, both in expressing personality and in expanding his or her boundaries - but under your supervision and with your interaction. It will foster healthy growth in your relationship and set your child up to be comfortable with him or herself in the turbulent teen years.

James, Amy (2005), Fourth Grade Success; Everything You Need to Know to Help Your Child Learn, Jossey - Bass, San Francisco, CA